International Youth Camp

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Skulle uppskatta feedback och ett ärligt betyg på denna skrivna text tagen från ett gammalt NP om "International Camp"

The International Youth Camp CONNECT wants to bring together young people from different parts of the world and encourage respect for other people’s views.

Are you between 14 and 18?
Do you think international understanding is important? Would you like to spend three weeks together with young people from all over the world?

Then write a letter to
Amanda Parks and Josef Azizi
CONNECT coordinators
intcamp@connect.ch

The following points could be included:

Introduce yourself briefly.

Explain why you want to join the camp and why you think this would be a good experience.

Suggest different activities for the camp weeks—indoors/outdoors, days/evenings, etc. Why would they be meaningful? How can you help out?

Suggest an issue that you would like to discuss and learn more about at the camp. Explain why.

Describe what a camp like this might lead to in the future—for the people who take part and in a wider perspective.

Text:

Dear Amanda and Josef
I’m 15 years old and I live together with my parents in an apartment in central Stockholm. I have been intrigued by the global world since I was five, but it was first when I entered the teenage period my teenage years that I became interested of how I as a person can impact my and other people’s lives. It reflected my response to this invitation to the camp. I couldn’t hold myself. I was filled with anticipation and eagerness. So, here I am now, glad to be given the chance to participate in a camp of international scope. I would love to push myself out of my comfort zone to learn new things and explore what the outside world holds for me, to suspend my judgemental thoughts, and to understand other people by facing them in reality. I believe that we all have the potential to reach the prospect of changing global issues that are the matters of today. By gaining thoughts and inspiration from other children we grow as a person which proved to be necessary when applying for a job where this sort of experience can prove useful use. We all can gain a deeper insight into everyone's situation and grow as a person. Today we act impulsive without considering the perspectives of others. This camp is a platform way for me to delve deeper into the mentalities of the world, but also global conflicts and do something about it. Maybe not change people’s attitudes, but changing small things can make a big difference in my opinion.

It would be a lot more fun if we planned outdoor activities. I’m a spring kid. We could do like.. and academic tournaments for everyone to show off their skills so we can learn new things and develop. Creating bonds with other cultures and other mentalities is as vital as the oxygen we breathe in. Without it, our world wouldn’t be anything but a place where we were not united. Interaction is a vital element in building relations between people, uniting countries, and building a safe platform and environment for future generations to thrive. If people from the beginning were judgemental about other people. Organize a congress where children from different parts of the world are included and can share their ideas and thoughts about numerous things. Maybe hit the nail on the head with a couple of reasons why we should reduce the voting age. Or struck a chord by explaining why it is important to gain an understanding of different mentalities across borders? How would certain suggestions affect the world? Our community? Would it be difficult to implement certain laws? Yes, it is difficult to change the world and unite it, but it is possible with a little teaspoon of curiosity and an international camp.

Jag insåg i mitten av rättningen att du inte frågade om rättning, utan om ett betyg. Om jag skulle ge den här texten ett ärligt betyg skulle den troligen hamna på ett C. Många fraser och delar av texten passar inte in och ser lite ut som att du har översatt vissa fraser direkt från svenska till engelska. Du borde använda fler kommatecken istället för punkter och variera på längden av meningarna. Också vissa grammatiska fel som "the oxygen we breathe in" istället för "the oxygen we breathe" eller, 

"It would be a lot more fun if we planned outdoor activities. I’m a spring kid. We could do like.. and academic tournaments for everyone to show off their skills so we can learn new things and develop. Creating bonds with other cultures and other mentalities is as vital as the oxygen we breathe in. Without it, our world wouldn’t be anything but a place where we were not united. Interaction is a vital element in building relations between people, uniting countries, and building a safe platform and environment for future generations to thrive. If people from the beginning were judgemental about other people."

Jag förstår inte riktigt vad du menar med den här delen av texten. Eller, jo, jag förstår vad du menar. Men problemet är att meningarna inte riktigt hänger ihop till 100% och att det känns som att de bryter av varandra?

" Yes, it is difficult to change the world and unite it, but it is possible with a little teaspoon of curiosity and an international camp."

Jag gillar det här slutet. Det är roligt, och det lämnar en god smak i munnen. 

Bra text med några problem som går lätt att fixa.

:)