Behöver förslag på vad jag kan förbättra eller ändra på min text. (English novel)
((Icke klar med texten)) Påbörjad
My Name is Lars, I was on my way to the car wash after I left the school. I work as a chemistry teacher in Whynne High school, otherwise, I wash cars and stand as a cashier. I have my step brother Fat Grady , who is with the D.E.A, a special agent, (which is more like a drug enforcement police).
since I had some problems with Isabelle (my wife) a couple of days ago, My step brother Fat Grady invited me to go with him to a crime scene where they would break into where they cooked meth.
When I’m sitting inside the D.E.A car, they were already inside the house , I saw one of my students jumping down from the window. It was Joe!
I screamed his name, He just looked me in the eyes and run away. I know exactly what he’s up to everyday , not everyday but he was really careless in school when I teached him in my class.
After that date , I have not been able to go away with my thoughts about him. I never told even the D.E.A about what I saw.
I have seen a lot of different labs on the tv but never liked them. They do a lot of money off a really bad product. I can do the product much better than they do. My economy will be much better if i cook it and let Joe sell it.
Better for me to go and check with Joe, no matter if we haven’t talked to each other in a while.
I arrived to Joe’s house and saw him on his way to the car. He saw me.
I could see from his face how scared he was because he probably thought that I talked to the D.E.A about him but I haven’t.
He asked me what i'm doing here and to get out of here fast, I told him the things i had inside my head and he got shocked directly after. He told me that we don't even know eachother and you want us to be partners already? I said of course yes. I also told him my opinions of the lab he was taking care of. And he of course started to ask me a lot of question why and etc.
To make it clear , he agreed on everything and I gave him some money to buy us a camper to cook in.
JoZzZeF skrev :((Icke klar med texten)) Påbörjad
Lars
My Name is Lars, I was on my way to the car wash after I left the school. I work as a chemistry teacher in Whynne High school, otherwise, I wash cars and stand as a cashier. I have my step brother Fat Grady , who is with the D.E.A, a special agent, (which is more like a drug enforcement police).since I had some problems with Isabelle (my wife) a couple of days ago, My step brother Fat Grady invited me to go with him to a crime scene where they would break into where they cooked meth.
When I’m sitting inside the D.E.A car, they were already inside the house , I saw one of my students jumping down from the window. It was Joe!
I screamed his name, He just looked me in the eyes and run away. I know exactly what he’s up to everyday , not everyday but he was really careless in school when I teached him in my class.
After that day , I have not been able to go away with my thoughts about him. I never told even the D.E.A about what I saw.
I have seen a lot of different labs on the tv but never liked them. They do a lot of money off a really bad product. I can do the product much better than they do. My economy will be much better if i cook it and let Joe sell it.
Better for me to go and check with Joe, no matter if we haven’t talked to each other in a while.
I arrived to Joe’s house and saw him on his way to the car. He saw me.
I could see from his face how scared he was because he probably thought that I talked to the D.E.A about him but I haven’t.
He asked me what i'm doing here and to get out of here fast, I told him the things I had inside my head and he got shocked directly after. He told me that we don't even know eachother and you want us to be partners already? I said of course yes. I also told him my opinions of the lab he was taking care of. And he of course started to ask me a lot of question why and etc.
To make it clear , he agreed on everything and I gave him some money to buy us a house van to cook in.
After two days, we started to cook. We sold a lot of meth and of course we split all the money for each other.
We got robbed after 5 months since we started to cook and sell.
Someone with the name Gustav destroyed my relation between Joe and me. They made him think that i killed his crush but i didn't.
I started to cook by myself and Joe left me alone. He contacted the D.E.A and wanted them to arrest me, But unfortunately they couldn't. I sent some guys on him and they took him. I didn't see Joe after that night. I didn't cook anymore but got some information about my product, it's being sold again for 3 months ago. I knew directly that Joe was behind that thing. I took the fastest flight to Mexico and searched after Joe. Some people told me that they used him as a slavery in a lab. He is the only one who knew how to cook my product.
After 2 days of searching , I found the lab. I armoured myself because i know they will try to kill me. I crafted a machine gun and put it inside the car trunk. I got in and of course they wanted to kill me. I had the car keys that could control the machine. I could see Joe how they have been using him in months. I couldn't even recognise him. I jumped on him and made him fall down and started the machine. Everyone died without me and Joe.
Joe didn't thank me of course, but gave him the keys for the car so he could get out of here before the police arrives. I could feel something near my heart. I was shot, I could understand that moment that there was no chance for me to live. I had lung cancer from the beginning. So I took a moment for myself and started to think, Isn't it better if I die, I will not have to feel all the pain I had in years.
I could see the light coming closer. And passed away.
otherwise, I wash cars
Inget komma efter otherwise
hahaha , :D tack för svar.
Hoppas din lärare inte bryr sig om att du snott handlingen från Breaking Bad!
Så smart lär hon inte vara då hon är 40-50 år ;).
Gullig du är.
Att du kom på det! :D
straight off breaking bad Hahaha
Tagga ner man , Du har ju snott min handling :D hahaha
